My Second Time Mother Anxiety

 

I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety with this second pregnancy, so I thought writing about it could help me feel a little better. It’s not the taking care of another baby that’s giving me the anxiety but the possibility of something going wrong that has me just a bit terrified. Perhaps, it’s because there is more at stake now. I now have a toddler who adores her mama and the thought of not being the best mom I could be, for both her and the new baby, well, scares me.

What if something goes wrong? Again.

Without writing all about Ji’s birth story (I think that deserves a post of its own), I ‘ll say that it wasn’t a very pleasant experience. About an hour after I had given birth to Ji, I felt an overwhelming pain and heavy sensation down under. It turns out; I had developed two hematomas. There was lots of bleeding, and it was very complicated for the doctor to control both at the same time. I was rushed to the O.R as I was losing a lot of blood. It was about 12 hours later that I finally got to see my baby again. I survived the hematomas but what if I can’t survive a complication a second time? I would hate for something like this or worse to happen again. I have my two kids to think of now, and it would break my heart to leave them without a mommy.

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18 Weeks. A reflection walk after our second trimester anatomy scan.

 

Postpartum Depression? Can it happen to me?

Because I lost a lot of blood after Ji’s birth and refused a blood transfusion, I felt very weak for the first month and a half. I also missed my old life. I had worked up to 70 hours a week up until two days before she was born and now I was ordered to not leave the house for a month. The doctor didn’t want to risk me getting into an accident and losing more blood. I knew that it would a month or so before I felt better and I cried a lot just hoping the 30 days would quickly pass by. I knew why I was sad, but now I fear that I will be sad for no reason at all.

What if the baby gets sick?

My biggest fear is for a newborn to get sick. Like, get a cold, the flu, pneumonia sick. When I was planning to try to have another baby, I wanted to get pregnant in the Summer so that I would have a Spring baby. Spring babies are less exposed to flu and cold season. December babies are not. Did I tell you Ji goes to daycare now and that there are like ten little kids in my family? And that some of m family members like to kiss newborns in the mouth? The thought of my unborn December baby getting sick is already giving me anxiety. Their immune system has not yet developed and I know that there is very little we can give them to make them feel better during their first weeks of life should they get sick.

When I was pregnant with my first, I knew nothing about being a parent. I have experience now; I know what can happen good or bad. It may also be because I’m older. I know that my friends in their twenty something’s although amazing moms too, worry a little less, and I envy them. I can’t go back in time and have kids at an earlier age but I want to worry less! So how can I worry less?

I have a plan!

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11 Months Old. Ji got sick for the very first time the next day. She got an ear infection. I had been letting her hold her own bottle and I didn’t realize the milk was dripping down to her ear. I will NEVER make that mistake again!

 

What if something goes wrong? Again.

This time around, I will be more in control of my birth experience. I will speak up! I’m also planning on having doula with me through the whole process. Knowing that someone will be there to be my advocate makes me feel better already. I’m also switching care provider and hospital. I’ve done my research and feel confident that I will have a better team my side!

Postpartum Depression? Can it happen to me?

I understand that postpartum depression is very real and also very common. I’ve gathered lots of resources and know that I should speak up if I feel I need help. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

What if the baby gets sick?

You know those hospital signs that say, if you feel sick, have a cold or cough visit us another day? Where can I buy one of those? I will have no shame in hurting someone’s feelings and gently letting them know to come back another time. You know you are sick so stay away! Tdap vaccine, anyone?

So there. I’ve let out all my anxieties about having another little one. I hope I don’t sound too crazy. I’m curious to know what anxieties did you have about having a child or are having now? Let’s support each other!

-Ruby

Yummy Spoonfuls launching in Target stores on June 12

Fresh and nutritious food is important for the entire family – but finding time to make homemade meals day after day can be a challenge for parents. To make life easier and healthier, Target is proud to announce a partnership with Yummy Spoonfuls. Launching in nearly all Target stores on June 12, Yummy Spoonfuls will feature 31 exclusive, organic, flash-frozen baby and toddler foods.

I had a friend ask me the other how I introduced solids to Ji because she admires that my two-year old eats healthy. I can definitely take that compliment! Do you know any other toddler who loves raw kale? Yes, she loves kale and arugula salads. I remember introducing her to vegetables first and waiting on the veggies until a few weeks later. I believe that’s how she grew to love her veggies. I made all of her food but now with another on the way, I’m not sure that I will have the time to puree, mash and freeze baby food along with all of the chores and work duties, so I’m happy that there is new line that I can count on when I’m running short on time.

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Co-founded by moms and entrepreneurs Camila Alves McConaughey and Agatha Achindu, Yummy Spoonfuls was inspired by their own childhoods eating fresh and organic foods grown in their native countries, Brazil and Cameroon. Now these flash-frozen meals make it easy and healthy for all families to provide natural and nutritious foods for their children.

We had the opportunity to attend the official launch event in Beverly Hills on June 8th and try most of the yummy flavors! Ji’s favorite so far is apple. Just apple!

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L.A Mamacita Team with Co-Founders

 

 

 

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Additional details about Yummy Spoonfuls at Target below:

  • Meals are designed in three stages to address each of a baby’s specific developmental milestones and nutritional needs
  • The line is certified organic, non-GMO and contains zero additives
  • Flash-freezing technology locks in nutrients and flavors at their peak of freshness without the need for preservatives or over-processing
  • It’s an easy solution for parents on-the-go or those who are in a time crunch (meals can be ready in just 60 seconds!). Yummy Spoonfuls will be available in the grocery freezer aisle at nearly all Target stores and is the first flash-frozen organic baby food to be offered at mass retail

The full Yummy Spoonfuls collection will be available in Target stores starting June 12, with prices ranging from $2.29 to $9.49.

PCOS Baby Number 2 is coming!

My family and I are so happy and blessed to announce that we are expecting baby number 2! The last couple of months have been filled with lots of scares and full of emotions, but overall I’m just grateful that I’m able to experience a second pregnancy. Just a few weeks ago, I opened up on social media about my struggles with PCOS and today I would like to take the opportunity to talk about my journey so that anyone who is looking for a glimpse of hope, resources or a story to relate to may find it in mine.

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My PCOS has never really been a secret. The truth is, I discuss it with anyone who is bold enough to tell me that I need to have another baby soon.  I even have a public  Pinterest board titled “PCOS” with lots of recipes and tips that help me deal with the syndrome. PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and those of us who suffer from it have to deal with obesity, irregular periods, infertility, depression, acne, and many other symptoms. Most women have an average of two of the symptoms, and I feel for those dealing with almost all of them! My symptoms are bloating ( I look like I’m six months pregnant half of the day), ovarian cysts and irregular periods. I think I had two periods last year! When I was younger, I was told by a doctor that there was no medical reason why I needed to have a period, and I believed it. I was SO happy not to have to deal with cramping and PMS! I now know that the information given to me is totally false but there are lots of things that we can do to regulate our hormones. So, at the beginning of this year, I decided to make a change and start on a journey to control this syndrome. And, after MUCH thought and consideration I agreed to try to have another baby. I say agreed because I’m petrified of ever giving birth again (I’ll save that story for another blog post) but Ji has been longing for a sibling. I blame Daniel Tiger for having a baby sister! The love I have for her made me want to do everything in my power to give her a sibling.

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Ji is setting up a table for 2!
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Very. Important. Baby. Arriving December 2016.

 

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The Plan

I know that the road to pregnancy is a difficult one for someone suffering from PCOS, but I’ve never thought of as an impossible goal. I’ve done lots of research and compiled a list of steps that could help achieve my goal to a healthier life and ultimately another baby. The plan was start preparing the first half of the year and to start trying in the late Summer… I was hoping for a Spring baby!

  1. Acupuncture- I have strongly believe in healing the body with natural approaches. In January I went to my first appointment I just loved it!! The acupuncturist took the time to listen to me and I felt like he genuinely cared. After just one session I started a period! I couldn’t believe it. He had initially suggested that I come in twice a week but with my first meeting being such a success I went in a twice a month after that.

2. Exercise-I’m not one for exercise, but I did purchase a treadmill and I’ve been using it  15-30 minutes at the end of each day. My little family and I also started taking hour walks around the park or through hiking trails every chance we get.

3. Diet– I follow an amazing account on Instagram that offers daily inspiration to women suffering from PCOS.  In April it launched a 30-day challenge offering meal plans and resources. Even though I’m m pregnant now, I still want to continue eating as healthy as possible. You can find out more information about the challenge at www.smartfertilitychoices.com.

4. Essential Oils – With the help and research of one of my best friends, I purchase five different essential oils that would help regulate my hormones. However, I never got to use the oils…

Finding Out

On a mid-April morning, I was watching the news. There was a segment on the governor signing a new bill, and I got so emotional that I started crying! I thought to myself, hmmm, this is weird! I’ve only cried for no reason when I was pregnant so decided to take a pregnancy test just in case, plus, I wanted to start using the essential oils but needed to make sure I wasn’t pregnant before using them. I kept a stash of dollar store pregnancy tests ( I was 15 weeks along when I found out I was pregnant with Ji, so I learned a lesson there!) and took one immediately after my crying sesh. Just a few moments after we had two BRIGHT RED lines. Positive!!! My doctor’s office agreed to see me that same morning. My calculations indicated that I was already ten weeks along. I was in total shock, and my emotions went through the roof when the ultrasound was performed, and the doctor revealed that he didn’t see anything. An Ectopic pregnancy was suspected. I had known that I was pregnant for less than two hours, and I was already crying my eyes out! Blood tests were taken, and I was asked to go back one week from that day. I’ve never experienced such a long slow tormenting week. I must have googled symptoms of ectopic pregnancy ten times a day. I was so petrified!!
On the day of our next appointment, my husband and daughter accompanied me to the doctor’s office. I was going to need emotional support. A second ultrasound was conducted, and a sac and egg yolk was found!!!!!! The doctor then did a transvaginal ultrasound and there on the screen was a tiny little heartbeat. It turned out I was only about five weeks along. That’s the crazy thing about PCOS. Your periods are off and so is your ovulation. I must have ovulated months after that period in January. But, it wasn’t all good news. My progesterone levels were really low, and I needed to take progesterone suppositories until the placenta took over.  Combine the stress of a high chance of miscarriage with 0 energy, an overwhelming need to sleep all day, horrible nausea and an active toddler to take care of and it all adds up to less than pleasant few weeks. Weeks that I would re-live over and over if it meant it would continue getting me to where I am today..

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We are PREGNANT!

We are now in late May, and I’ve finally started my second trimester. We are ready to announce to the world that we are pregnant! The newest addition to our family will arrive in early December, and Ji is the most excited. I plan to celebrate every single milestone no matter how overdone as may seem. Being able to conceive a second child while dealing with PCOS is something although not impossible is something to be celebrated. Today we celebrate both of my babies!

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Lots of love,

-Ruby

P.S Check out my Pinterest Board for PCOS friendly recipes, exercises, vitamins, natural approaches and more!

Disclaimer:

Please note that the above is my story. I do recommend that you consult with your doctor as all PCOS patients are different.